Saturday 13th August 2011
“TIME is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so,” according to Douglas Adams.
Nevertheless, I shall soon enter my 62nd year, which means Superman must also be slowing down…
It comes to us all
Kerplunk! at the door
As the post lands on the floor
But Superman doesn’t move
He has nothing left to prove
Sitting safe and snug
Hands wrapped around a mug
In his favourite seat
Warm slippers on his feet
Being X-ray eyed
He can read what’s inside
That envelope brown
Though it makes him frown
So he sips his tea
Pulls the blanket on his knee
And won’t give that envelope a second look
Now he knows it contains his pension book.
…and age has surely caught up with this familiar figure:
Years later
There’s a woman
And she’s stunnin’
And she’s blonde
Full red lips
Hands on hips
Standing all alone by the pond
Unaware of the stare
Of the man with silver hair
On the bench over there
Now stooped, once debonair:
The O O AP: James Bond
Once ruthless
Now toothless
Double 0 seventy-seven
Secret agent in residence
At a residential home in Devon
Once licensed to kill
Now silenced and still
As he shuffles back up Seaview Hill
For the Thursday afternoon flower arranging session
Instead of vodka martini, shaken not stirred,
It’s a cup of weak tea, white bread, lemon curd;
Instead of rampant sex, after dinner at the Ritz,
The best he can manage is to stare at Matron’s tits;
Instead of whizzing round bends in his beloved Aston Martin,
He takes the Zimmer round the garden and can’t control his…
…flatulence
When watching telly in the common-room night after night
Too old and too tired to put up any kind of fight
When the rest of them insist on watching Coronation Street
Instead of the blockbuster movie, which is only a repeat
And they’ve all seen it before: You Only Live Twice
So maybe he should heed dear Matron’s advice
To be in bed and asleep no later than ten
Just in case he gets a call about 3am
From Moneypenny, saying,
“James, report at once to M!”
For Alzheimer’s has turned
Bond from hero into dunce
Who still doesn’t realise:
You only live once.
