Friday 29th April 2011
RICK has got right behind my cunning plan for world domination. Must reward him in some way when this is over. Probably give him a small country to run, with a big palace and lots of tanks.
Meanwhile, for those who haven’t been paying attention, here’s a quick reminder of how it works.
1. Get elected. Easier than you’d think. Moan about the mess and promise change. They’re gullible. It’s only a marketing exercise.
2. Get backing. Money is the only currency. Accept bribes from the rich and give enough back to keep them on board. Stash the rest.
3. Get a gang. Hand out favours. Sacrifice upstarts to encourage loyalty. They’re gullible. It’s only a game of draughts.
4. Get gang to pass new State of Emergency legislation, to include fiscal crises.
5. Create fiscal crisis.
6. Appoint expert to handle State of Emergency. Accept expert’s recommended measures.
7. Dismiss selected elected officials to ensure efficient delivery of new measures.
8. Extend measures as and when necessary.
Governor Rick’s pilot scheme in Michigan is about half way already. Much easier in America, mind, where most are on tranquillisers and won’t notice. Young Mark’s doing his bit there too, with that cool ‘Laptops not rooftops’ campaign.
And wily old Rupert, of course. One of my top execs. Been a privilege watching him implement ‘No Sedition from a Sedentary Position’. Can’t be arsed to get off their arses, as we call it. Or… so-fa, so good.
Dave’s on track too. His back office has a neat little number called Super Injunction. Means nobody’s allowed to publish anything at all about the gang, including not being allowed to tell anyone they’re not allowed to tell anyone. Cracks me up that.
But the Brits are docile enough anyway. Got Talent, MasterChef and X-Factor see to that. We’re giving them a day off this week, to watch a live episode of their favourite soap. Sorted.
That will leave:
9. Fiscal crisis 2. Panic, fear, desperation. Every man for himself.
10. Survival of the fattest cats.