Friday 13th May 2011
THIS being the day it is, please proceed with great care, dear reader, when clicking on the link that leads to the risk assessment forms and indemnity agreement you will have to complete and sign with an authorised signature before reading today’s 2011 characters.
The information contained in this page is confidential and intended solely for the reader. Access to it by anyone else is strictly unauthorised.
The author cannot be held responsible if, on reading this page, you are turned into a frog, eaten by a monster, or fall down a manhole… especially if you are reading this as you walk down the middle of a highway and are so engrossed that you fail to notice a manhole uncovered by workmen who have not observed all the requisite Health & Safety regulations regarding the erecting of warning signs, hazard lights, barricades of cones, thick strips of red and white tape, coils of razor wire, sirens and security cameras.
If, after that, you still manage to fall down the hole, then, frankly, you will only have yourself to blame.
However, any such catastrophe will have nothing at all to do with your having put the left sock on before the right one, or having broken a mirror several years ago, or having unfurled an umbrella in the kitchen, or having failed to touch an item made of wood when stating that it was your intention today to avoid the ill-fortune that attends those who pass under ladders erected on pavements by walking down the middle of the highway.
Moreover, I am pleased to inform you that, as luck would have it, no animals were harmed in the making of this page.
The author will, however, be seeking an injunction to prohibit any media coverage of this page, following his courageous and successful intervention in order to rescue a spider that was about to be eaten by a magpie which was itself being pursued by a black cat.
All the characters portrayed on this page are deliberately superstitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely existential.