Body shop rap

Wednesday 15th June 2011

‘REAL changes’ for the NHS:

body shop rap

As more and more hospitals disappear
we’ve suddenly got this great idea:
it’s a frugal medical panacea

No more horrendous tax payers’ bills
let market forces cure the ills:
the high street is the place for pills

So we’ll amputate the emergency wards
sever all financial umbilical cords
surround hospital grounds with for sale boards

And privatise the nation’s health
with private practice and private wealth
and it’ll all be done by incredible stealth

Yes we’ll cut waiting lists with a chop
when we sell the franchise lollipop
to the tip-top hip-hop body shop
to the tip-top hip-hop body shop

There’ll be discount offers throughout the store
on bed-pans trepans catheters and more;
five artificial limbs for the price of four

Meanwhile the more discerning patient
can limp on down to the bargain basement
for a cheap off-the-shelf hip replacement

And those wanting children can buy off the peg
varieties of sperm or a fertilised egg
and it’ll only cost you an arm and a leg

When we privatise the nation’s health
with private practice and private wealth
and it’s all being done by incredible stealth

So if you find your heart has stopped
or think your clogs have almost popped
make for the hip-hop body shop
make for the hip-hop body shop

There’ll be security staff trained in cardiac arrest
a complaints department to get things off your chest
and our self-service enema – one of the best

Yes value for money guarantees proficiency
and if you have an acquired immunity deficiency
there’s care in the community – that’s efficiency

So put your money where your mouth is and lend me your ears
you can put down a deposit in blood sweat or tears
and pay through the nose to one of our cashiers

When we’ve privatised the national health
with private practice and private wealth
and it will all have been done by incredible stealth
and it’ll be too late before the penny drops
and it’ll be too late before the pennies drop
into the tills of the body shop
it’ll be too late unless we all cry stop…

…now

 

 

 

 

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