Mercenary rhymes 4

Monday 9th January 2012

BEER is no longer part of my regular diet: a pint or two at a gig, but that’s about it. I hardly ever go to the pub and was never really comfortable doing that manly thing of standing at the bar being a man:

Three men in a pub
And of what do you think they speak?
Of barbecues and computers
And who won the snooker
Of insurance and hi-fi
And their skills at DIY
Of the football and the telly
And what their wives buy from the deli
Of their jobs and their wages
And how they don’t look their ages
Of how they are able
To drink anyone under the table
Of their cars and their cars
And their cars and their cars
Of the mysterious carburettor
And why their car is better
Than that of the man next door
Who probably needs a re-bore
Of gasket and piston
And tuning with krypton
Of brakes that need bleeding
And the mischief of speeding
Of how best to take bends
And strip down their big ends
Three men in a pub
And of what do you think they speak?
The natter the chatter
It doesn’t really matter
You can hear the same patter next week

Older readers will quickly spot the reference herein to a classic Number 1 hit by a band called Thunderclap Newman:

Sing a song of sixpence
Sing the songs of the Sixties
The poetry mustn’t die:
Four anarchic Beatles
With Lucy in the Sky;
When the sky was opened
The young began to sing
Words of hope and love and peace
And “Do your own thing”

The Kinks, The Who, The Yardbirds,
Jimi Hendrix, Marvyn Gaye,
The Rolling Stones and Otis,
New Dylan songs each day;
The times they were a-changing
There was something in the air
When down came reality…
I think I’ll finish that one there.

And this should be read in the voice of a former Prime Minister, female, here depicted returning home unexpectedly early, only to discover her husband improperly attired:

One, two, buckle my shoe
One, two, unbuckle my shoes
Three, four, take down my drawers
Five, six, take off my knicks
Seven, eight, remove my breast-plate
Nine, ten… and, Dennis,
Don’t ever let me catch you
Wearing them again!

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