Some silly stories

Monday 27th February 2012

WISH I didn’t need an hour in the morning to get going: bathroom, tea, cigarette, bathroom, dress, porridge or banana, coffee. That means a 5.45am alarm in order to catch the bus to Swindon in order to be at the primary school in time to set things up, see the hall, maybe grab another coffee.

Had the children been that bit older, I would have considered revisiting these, with suitable stage directions:

Billy’s Bad Behaviour

Behold, big bad beastly bully Billy! Big beastly bully Billy behaves badly. Billy bullies boys. Besides bullying boys, Billy bullies butcher Bob:

“Beef!” Billy bellows. “Burgher beef!”

Besides bullying butcher Bob, Billy bullies baker Barry:

“Baps! bellows Billy. “Burger baps!”

Big beastly bloated bully Billy belches:


Bella blows bubbles. Bella blows brilliant, beautiful bubbles. Billy, bewitched by Bella’s beautiful bubbles, behaves badly.


Bella, bothered by Billy’s behaviour, bawls: “Boo-hoo!”

But Billy’s bubbles burst. Billy blows bubbles badly.


“Blow better,” begs Bella.

By blowing better, Billy blows bigger and better bubbles: brilliant bubbles. Billy becomes brighter. Basically, Billy becomes better behaved. Bella bows.

The Taunton Train

The tall, toothless tramp takes the train: Taunton town to the Tiverton terminus. The train takes time to travel to Tiverton. The train trundles through tunnels. The ticket-taker tells the travellers:


“Tch!” the tramp taunts the ticket-taker.

“Tut, tut!” the ticket-taker tells the tramp.

“Tricky,” thinks the ticket-taker.

The train travels towards Tiverton. Tiredness troubles the tramp. The train travels to the terminus. The ticket-taker tells travellers to tip-toe. The train takes the track to Taunton.

“Tee-hee,” thinks the ticket-taker.

Time ticks. Time tocks. The train trundles through tunnels towards Taunton.

“There!” the ticket-taker tells the tramp.

“Ta,” the toothless tramp totters through the ticket-barrier, thinking, “The train took its time to travel to… tch! Taunton?”




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