Dennis for head chef

Friday 4th May 2012

NONE of the Above won a landslide victory this week, with 68% of the electorate choosing to reject all the candidates. If this result was repeated at the next General Election, there’s every chance somebody like Dennis would be the next incumbent of Number Ten. Quite right too.

It is simplistic to blame the low turn-out on apathy, the weather, or what’s on telly. If everyone wanted to vote, they would.

The political system in this country is an unsavoury potage. Condemned to swallow the only dish on the table, we are invited to appoint new cooks every few years, only to discover that the promised menu contains very similar ingredients, just as grim and rancid as before.

Meanwhile, the chefs pretend to know what they’re doing:

“Eat it up. It’s all there is.”

Only those trained as cooks can become cooks. You have to join one of the guilds – Gruel or Gristle – in order to gain entry into the kitchen.

Ours is a free country, of course, and, therefore, anyone can try planting a small vegetable garden, but you’d be hard pushed to cultivate anything, let alone sell it, when the guilds control both the national diet and access to the market-place.

Most of us are clearly fed up of being fed political crud day after day: the deceit of spin, the betrayals of despotism. Don’t we deserve more wholesome fare, fewer recipes for disaster?

Proportional representation is still a long way off, but, I’d suggest, a turn-out of 32% should surely result in 68% of our elected representatives being chosen randomly: by lot, from ordinary folk who, given the chance, would provide a more appetising and nourishing spread than the toxic mess we have to endure at present.

Why Dennis? Because of his down-to-earth common-sense and fondness for leaning on the garden gate. He was a fitter with the gas board. Chatting to him gives you an immediate sense of an honest, hard-working, upright, average citizen.

Which is why he’d never become a politician. Which is why he could be trusted to run the country.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One Response to Dennis for head chef

  1. Pingback: Unfit and fitted up | Fox Tales

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