Star Anise Arts Café, Stroud
Friday 1st November 2013
Secret Musician: Paul Bienek (banjo)
Special Guest: Maureen Rutter
In the Thermos: Lemon and Honey
STAR anise, Marcus has now discovered, is a small, star-shaped spice. His failed attempt to balance three of them on his face during Jo’s new game, Match of the Day, led to his opponent – granddaughter Lola, whom he was sure would lose because he could hear her giggling – winning a Tunnocks bar.
Another newcomer to the show was the News in Verse, which included our thoughts on:
I-spy whether you like it or not…
There’s been lots of talk of spying
With Americans denying
Just how much they love their prying
And now Cameron is trying
To hide the truth too
When they act outside the laws
Inside their secret corridors
Should we not all be appalled?
Should it really not be called
G C H Fu-Q?
…and Kate’s Middle-tum
Big News! Kate’s tummy is flat
It’s a relief to read about that
Her stomach expanded to grow a prince
I was afear’d it would stay big since
But she’s been to the gym and toned her body
I don’t like women’s bits to look shoddy
Kate’s an inspiring rôle model
What a load of twaddle
With bonfire night approaching, Guy Fawkes visited the Post Office, there to be greeted by a very long recorded message, which began:
Cashier number 27 is now free. The Post office apologises for the late running of this service. Please stand back from the edge and remove all motor cycle helmets. If you prefer not to queue please go to our website www postyourletter dot com. Please note our premise, that no dogs are allowed on the premises. Dog owners are invited to take advantage of our new post and bowl scheme outside the main entrance. This does not apply to guide dogs and hearing dogs. Copies of the guidelines for guide dogs are available on www woofwoof dot co dot uk. If you can’t read it because you are blind, a Braille copy of the guidelines for guide dogs is available from your local Girl Guides. Anyone who cannot hear this message should ask their hearing dog to interpret… and so on.
Marcus’s A-Z treatment on the same theme was entitled News Headlines, 6th November 1605:
Audacious British coup defeated.
Enigmatic Fawkes guy held
in James King’s lords massacre nightmare.
Overthrow plot quashed.
Rebel sneaked through undercroft vault with xplosives.
In Tuberculosis Threatens To Take Over The Whole Village – the third chapter of our classic serial, The Pie of Life – retired solicitor Julian Lord designs a poster, the mini-bus from Stonegate Open Prison leaves Smiffy stranded, and vicar’s wife Rachael prepares to reveal something to Matthew…
D was Letter of the Month. Responding speedily to the demand for a deft dissertation, Jo duly delivered this delightfully daft description:
Daphne’s dog did a dollop of diarrhoea in Daglingworth.
“You dastardly dog,” she sighed darkly.
A dark dungeon of despair filled her damson heart.
But then, “Darling, don’t be a dunce,” she murmured to
She was a dogmatic damsel with the demeanour of a daisy.
She desecrated the dollop with her dainty foot
and went to the Dog and Duck for a delicious dinner.
For Show and Tell, Jo spoke about her much-travelled Galotta 12-bass piano accordion – purchased new in 1979 for £169 – a new one today would only cost £29 more – and played the chords for the first song she ever wrote; What is marriage?
Marcus wished to honour his son, Gaius, who died on 1st November ten years ago. There was the woolly hat brought home from foreign travels; the amusing tale of Gaius picking up a revised poll tax bill at Poste Restante in Gilgit, Pakistan; and this short poem, written when Gaius was a teenager:
Memories or the Present ?
Which is more important ?
Or the present ?
For the present
Is but a split second.
But memories that last
Are all in the past.
We’re back on Sunday 1st December, 8pm, at Woodruffs Organic Café, High Street, Stroud.