Kitsch Coffee & Wine Bar, Stroud
Saturday 1st February 2014
Secret Musicians: Out of Time (duo; guitars and vocals)
Special Guest: Francoise Pinteaux Jones
In the Thermos: Lapsang souchong
CLEO and Tony, meeting by a pyramid in 41 BC, spent much of their first date talking to each other on mobile phones… while standing only a few feet apart: our latest History of the World sketch. Marcus’s alphabetical version of their ill-fated affair is called Eager Egos in Egypt:
Antony beds Cleopatra – daily ecstasy –
foregoing general housework, inevitably jeopardising kingdom,
losing militarily, newcomer Octavian prevailing.
Queen resignedly succumbs to unerring viper,
whispering, “Xxxxpire! You’re zzzzonked…”
While Marcus ranted about how little direct contact we have with strangers nowadays, Jo quickly wrote a piece incorporating words starting with G suggested by the audience:
George and Georgina were gorgeous.
The girl was great, the guy was giggly.
Georgina glimpsed George giggling
on a ginormous, gargantuan grass hill,
where a greedy goat munched.
“Why the giggles?” asked Georgina.
“I am the victim of a grievance. I came here gladly,
believing it was good, but it is ghastly!”
“Go then,” said Georgina and without a glance George galloped off.
Georgina glided giddily after him.
Marcus again lost Match of the Day. Given a minute to find as many words as possible from the letters in ‘k i t s c h’, he managed about a dozen, but was easily surpassed by audience member Caroline – another hit, more stick and feeling sick.
For Look at a Book, a new feature, we reviewed Short and Sweet: 101 Very Short Poems, edited by Simon Armitage.
For the Merry Month, we asked the audience to identify:
a) He was born on 26th February 1932
b) The first of two autobiographies was called Man in Black: His Own Story in His Own Words
c) His parents called him J.R. When he enlisted in the Air Force, they wouldn’t let him use initials as a name, so he came up with a forename himself
d) He was not, however, a boy named Sue
e) Two of his best-selling albums were recorded live at San Quentin and Folsom Prisons*
a) She will be 80 on 11th February
b) Her surname, appropriately, comes from an Old French word meaning ‘clever’, ‘skilful’ or ‘noted for elegance and fine dress’
c) Her first shop was called Bazaar
d) Awarded an MBE in 1966, she arrived at Buckingham Palace wearing a cream wool jersey mini-dress with blue facings
e) Among her many design successes was the iconic ‘Swinging London’ fashion item, hot pants*
The gig finished with our customary song, Dim the Lights, preceded by an appalling pun:
MARCUS I’m going to go up now, Jo. I need to check on the artist-in-residence.
JO In the bedroom?
MARCUS Well, it’s very nice, having somebody there to draw the curtains.
We’re back on Saturday 1st March, 8pm, at Mills Café in Stroud.
* Johnny Cash; Mary Quant